BiddiesInMyBrain

Pretending

I am pretending I am not wrestling with another bout of insomnia after a glorious two-day run of blissful sleep. Nope, this hot toddy (with more toddy than tea) is just for effect! Ahhhhhh.... yes.... to polish off the last of the Jack Daniels with a lovely cuppa.... and MAYBE, just MAYBE to get some sleep again as a result? One can hope.

Am plotting and planning the ins and outs of my revised paper for Ghent. Can't help it - I am so very excited about it, and now I think I have a VERY cool idea for something additional to apply to it. Top secret, you understand, totally under wraps for a little while longer - but really cool if it pans out. I learned so much this summer in Michigan from Dr. Margo Anderson - if only she knew what a lasting impression she has made on me! I can only hope to live up to her standards. And mine. And those of Dr. Esra Ozdenerol's, too. Phew. Tall orders.

Been addressing cards to friends and family all over the world the past several days (finally found my Moleskin(TM) address book) - it will be a wonder to get them out in time! I'll be thrilled to send them, though; we haven't done a holiday card in more than four years... not since I have been working on my doctorate, I don't think. Wow. Yeah. A lot has changed. We wrote a letter... and managed to fit in a lot of good things for this year... and a couple of the low points... but really, it's been a very good year for both of us when we look back on it. A year to be proud of, frankly, despite the personal setbacks (mainly mine, mainly healthwise). It's nice to have a good year for a change. We've had so many downright crappy ones in a row that this one isn't bad to have!

Am getting quite excited about going to Ghent and the European Social Science History Conference... especially now that I have downloaded Google Earth and have been exploring Belgium from above (and Amsterdam, since that may be a layover...). What a terrifically neat country!! I mean - I have been looking at the guidebooks... but to be able to move around the cities and stop and look like this is AMAZING. I am so addicted to Google Earth now ... and it's creating a problem with getting me to step away from the computer! ::chuckle::

Also in Google Earth, I have been playing with old haunts from my childhood... and my is it bringing back memories. Old addresses as far back as I can remember, all sorts of things. Zooming right on in. Wow. Neat-o!

Been reading good books lately. Read Sarah Vowell's latest: The Wordy Shipmates late last week, and am now in the middle of Howard Blum's American Lightning, which has me thoroughly engrossed; that one will take me one more evening at most. Then what? Hmmmmmm... more grading, I am sure... but wow... I have time for some optional reading, and I am taking advantage of it.

Tomorrow's a busy day: first thing run to the credit union, then the pharmacy, then a couple errands, then lunch, then a doc appointment, then zoom to Target, then to the University while a friend borrows my car, then picked up after she is done, then HOME FINALLY. WHOOSH. Then grade papers until they are done, record them. Create the exams for the two different classes taking exams this week... and then ... well... poop out. Maybe watch a movie with Crash?? He would like that.

Perhaps by then I will be tired enough to actually sleep tomorrow night. Wouldn't that be loverly?? Because Tuesday's going to be no better... Especially with a run to another doc first thing in the morning, then the University in the early afternoon, likely for the whole mid-afternoon and evening... and then get picked up by Crash or Sasa late... and then hit the ground running on the grading; all my grading for that class MUST be done - including the tallying and recording of the final grades on the Registrar's website - by no later than Wednesday night. Why? Because I have another class on Thursday that will need the same thing... and they must have their final grades tallied and recorded to the Registrar no later than Friday night. It's going to be a real fight to the finish. Saturday noon is the absolutely deadline set by the University... and I intend to be nowhere near it. They used to give us over the weekend until Monday noon... Bah on whomever changed the semester calendar to end this way!!

But, once Saturday is over... things are ... OVER! I will be my own person for roughly four weeks. I will have a great deal to do - oh and how! - but I will be able to do it on a schedule I make, pretty much. Hoorah! I do have a honey-do list and a me-do list... but if we don't accomplish all the things on them, I won't stress... there's always summer. And insomniac nights! :::chuckle:::

Well, I am going to give sleep another shot. The alarm is set to go off in 3 1/2 hours... and that's going to be a bit grim. More than a bit grim. C'mon hot toddy. Kick in!

Feeling My Way Along

It's been an up-and-down week, strange in and of itself.

Oddly, the feelings have been more ones of let-down than ecstasy ... not at all what I expected. But looking at it from this perspective, I realize that I have been living, eating, breathing comprehensive exams for 12 solid months and to suddenly be lifted of them is a bit of a shock to the system.

So, I have been in turns sleeping deeply and playing the incurable insomniac. So strange. In talking with other ABDs, I come to find that this is not uncommon and has the distinct potential to continue for up to a month afterward. I sincerely hope not; I have much to accomplish, though I am planning to take a week off to do nothing but things I enjoy that have NOTHING to do with school work at all.

One of the things I did (see above) is to decorate outside a wee bit; I put 144 little red bows on the runt of a redbud tree (which we have dubbed Wilbur, after the dear piglet in Charlotte's Web) in our front yard. I managed to sunburn my face but good... but it was well worth it. The tree is cute and brightens the neighborhood by day.

Been writing holiday cards the past two days, too... the first time in years. THAT feels good. I have been too exhausted to do that for so long at this time of year, and to actually write a holiday letter, address cards, sign them and (I hope) get them out the door this week will be a coup. 

I have been on a shredding binge of late, too... more than 200 gallons of shredded material so far... I am just bound and determined to rid the house (and the attic... oh my... that godforsaken attic. I had no idea just how much JUNK was up there!) of all this paperwork and mess that has accumulated while I have been in school. Not only that, but I am astounded by how much junk mail we get every single day from various sources even though we are on do not solicit lists. Unreal. We are upending bag upon bag of shreds into the mulch piles along with leaves and other garden material to break down for spring mulch... it's all to the good. I think we are going to end up with more than 700 gallons - maybe even much more than that - of mulched shreds, and probably two or three mulch piles - by the time all is said and done. To the right is just eight bags of shreds (104 gallons). Barely the tip of the iceberg.

The attic is also a wasteland of books and miscellaneous other things I had no idea even still existed in my life. Um. Come the end of break they may no longer exist in my life, either. European history books? Will go to good homes among colleagues (except for those near and dear to me)... and much of the rest? Shredded, off to Goodwill, off to the church for the auction, or simply OUT. I am ready to divest of a lot of stuff. It is time.

There is much grading to be done tomorrow and Monday first, however, and then Tuesday through Friday is nothing but a marathon of grading in order to get grades turned in before the University deadline of Saturday noon. This will be a bit of a grueling week. But, unlike this time last year, I will not have any work of my own to turn in, too. That helps.

But tonight? I have some time to simply be. It's raining and icky outside, but warm and together with my honey inside. I think I will go enjoy it. It's been far too long since I have been able to make that choice. May your evening be as bright!

There's No Going Back

Well, I've gone and done it. I've taken my comprehensive exams - written and oral - and as of yesterday, I have managed to go ABD (all but dissertation) in my PhD program. I am a newly-minted late doctoral student!! This means that, if all goes well and according to the plan I have laid out, I will be Dr. Laura Perry in May 2011.

I cannot begin to describe the relief I am feeling at this point. I am done doing work which is completely and utterly outside of my field of study (I hope). From now on, I will, if all works out, be able to work entirely in American History and Geographic Information Systems; I am done with coursework and am on to the dissertation. Most of us look forward to this moment for the entire course of study - this means we have basically gained the confidence of our mentors and are ready to move on to the whole reason we entered PhD work to begin with - our own work. What interests us. What we hope will interest other people enough to hire us in the future (and gain us book contracts, and etc.)

The next step? The prospectus... the delivery of the tentative dissertation title, thesis, outline, major works cited, and plan of attack... to the department. Then, after approval, CHARGE! In my case, I have already been working on the dissertation in parts for some time, so the prospectus should, in many ways (not all) be boiler plate. And, I already gave a basic prospectus this summer as part of my program in Michigan. This is a very, very good thing (thank you, Margo!).

Then, the grunt work of researching and writing. But this is the work I love. While I am allergic to book dust and mold (What on earth? I am a historian after all! How unfair!) this is my very favorite part. Well, I also love the writing, too. But, I love the uncovering of sources... it's just like a miner must feel... except that every scrap of paper holds something, even if it is not relevant to *my* topic. It is interesting on its own merits; I am always learning more and more just by thumbing through. EVERYTHING is educational, even if it is not going to inform my topic.

In the midst of this, I am writing a paper to take with me to Ghent, Belgium. I have it in rough form now, but it needs revision and work over break - and it is a major part of my dissertation. I'll be busy with it for several weeks in December and January. There will be some accelerated research in there so I can get a paper submitted quickly. Revisions can come later, but they need the paper in-hand soon.

After a year of researching and writing (in my case), I will pull together my dissertation into a strong rough draft - chapters will already have been circulated and (I HOPE) approved piece by piece in the interim... but the whole should begin to really pull together this time next year or a little later. I plan do defend in the early spring and graduate in May... this is a VERY tight schedule, but without any other major distractions, I think I can do it. I don't have children, and I do have the ability to sit here and focus. And I have supportive, confident friends. This is so key.

Anyway, this is the basic outline to my plan. I have most of my major data already pulled together and in-house - the advantage of already working on it in pieces for three and a half years. I still have quite a bit of reading and research to go; I have accumulated a lot of data and materials, but much of it is as yet unread, or not thoroughly analyzed. It's going to take a lot of time and focus. BUT, the big advantage is that I have it here. Right here. In house. I don't have to leave and run to archives all over the United States all the time to get the data (and THANK GOODNESS for Google Books!!). There are two major archives I have yet to visit, yes, but one is within the state, and the other can wait for next year - if it is needed at all (I may be able to omit it - I don't know). 

The next step. Well, we'll take it as it comes. For now, I am focusing on the PhD. That's it. 

But hallelujah. The dang comps are over and today is the start of a new leaf in my life's book. Onward and upward! The dissertation awaits!

Laura

A Manifesto! The Time Has Come!

A reprint of John Shelby Spong's words of of October 15, 2009.

A Manifesto! The Time Has Come!

I have made a decision. I will no longer debate the issue of homosexuality in the church with anyone. I will no longer engage the biblical ignorance that emanates from so many right-wing Christians about how the Bible condemns homosexuality, as if that point of view still has any credibility. I will no longer discuss with them or listen to them tell me how homosexuality is "an abomination to God," about how homosexuality is a "chosen lifestyle," or about how through prayer and "spiritual counseling" homosexual persons can be "cured." Those arguments are no longer worthy of my time or energy. I will no longer dignify by listening to the thoughts of those who advocate "reparative therapy," as if homosexual persons are somehow broken and need to be repaired. I will no longer talk to those who believe that the unity of the church can or should be achieved by rejecting the presence of, or at least at the expense of, gay and lesbian people. I will no longer take the time to refute the unlearned and undocumentable claims of certain world religious leaders who call homosexuality "deviant." I will no longer listen to that pious sentimentality that certain Christian leaders continue to employ, which suggests some version of that strange and overtly dishonest phrase that "we love the sinner but hate the sin." That statement is, I have concluded, nothing more than a self-serving lie designed to cover the fact that these people hate homosexual persons and fear homosexuality itself, but somehow know that hatred is incompatible with the Christ they claim to profess, so they adopt this face-saving and absolutely false statement. I will no longer temper my understanding of truth in order to pretend that I have even a tiny smidgen of respect for the appalling negativity that continues to emanate from religious circles where the church has for centuries conveniently perfumed its ongoing prejudices against blacks, Jews, women and homosexual persons with what it assumes is "high-sounding, pious rhetoric." The day for that mentality has quite simply come to an end for me. I will personally neither tolerate it nor listen to it any longer. The world has moved on, leaving these elements of the Christian Church that cannot adjust to new knowledge or a new consciousness lost in a sea of their own irrelevance. They no longer talk to anyone but themselves. I will no longer seek to slow down the witness to inclusiveness by pretending that there is some middle ground between prejudice and oppression. There isn't. Justice postponed is justice denied. That can be a resting place no longer for anyone. An old civil rights song proclaimed that the only choice awaiting those who cannot adjust to a new understanding was to "Roll on over or we'll roll on over you!" Time waits for no one.

I will particularly ignore those members of my own Episcopal Church who seek to break away from this body to form a "new church," claiming that this new and bigoted instrument alone now represents the Anglican Communion. Such a new ecclesiastical body is designed to allow these pathetic human beings, who are so deeply locked into a world that no longer exists, to form a community in which they can continue to hate gay people, distort gay people with their hopeless rhetoric and to be part of a religious fellowship in which they can continue to feel justified in their homophobic prejudices for the rest of their tortured lives. Church unity can never be a virtue that is preserved by allowing injustice, oppression and psychological tyranny to go unchallenged.

In my personal life, I will no longer listen to televised debates conducted by "fair-minded" channels that seek to give "both sides" of this issue "equal time." I am aware that these stations no longer give equal time to the advocates of treating women as if they are the property of men or to the advocates of reinstating either segregation or slavery, despite the fact that when these evil institutions were coming to an end the Bible was still being quoted frequently on each of these subjects. It is time for the media to announce that there are no longer two sides to the issue of full humanity for gay and lesbian people. There is no way that justice for homosexual people can be compromised any longer.

I will no longer act as if the Papal office is to be respected if the present occupant of that office is either not willing or not able to inform and educate himself on public issues on which he dares to speak with embarrassing ineptitude. I will no longer be respectful of the leadership of the Archbishop of Canterbury, who seems to believe that rude behavior, intolerance and even killing prejudice is somehow acceptable, so long as it comes from third-world religious leaders, who more than anything else reveal in themselves the price that colonial oppression has required of the minds and hearts of so many of our world's population. I see no way that ignorance and truth can be placed side by side, nor do I believe that evil is somehow less evil if the Bible is quoted to justify it. I will dismiss as unworthy of any more of my attention the wild, false and uninformed opinions of such would-be religious leaders as Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, Jimmy Swaggart, Albert Mohler, and Robert Duncan. My country and my church have both already spent too much time, energy and money trying to accommodate these backward points of view when they are no longer even tolerable.

I make these statements because it is time to move on. The battle is over. The victory has been won. There is no reasonable doubt as to what the final outcome of this struggle will be. Homosexual people will be accepted as equal, full human beings, who have a legitimate claim on every right that both church and society have to offer any of us. Homosexual marriages will become legal, recognized by the state and pronounced holy by the church. "Don't ask, don't tell" will be dismantled as the policy of our armed forces. We will and we must learn that equality of citizenship is not something that should ever be submitted to a referendum. Equality under and before the law is a solemn promise conveyed to all our citizens in the Constitution itself. Can any of us imagine having a public referendum on whether slavery should continue, whether segregation should be dismantled, whether voting privileges should be offered to women? The time has come for politicians to stop hiding behind unjust laws that they themselves helped to enact, and to abandon that convenient shield of demanding a vote on the rights of full citizenship because they do not understand the difference between a constitutional democracy, which this nation has, and a "mobocracy," which this nation rejected when it adopted its constitution. We do not put the civil rights of a minority to the vote of a plebiscite.

I will also no longer act as if I need a majority vote of some ecclesiastical body in order to bless, ordain, recognize and celebrate the lives and gifts of gay and lesbian people in the life of the church. No one should ever again be forced to submit the privilege of citizenship in this nation or membership in the Christian Church to the will of a majority vote.

The battle in both our culture and our church to rid our souls of this dying prejudice is finished. A new consciousness has arisen. A decision has quite clearly been made. Inequality for gay and lesbian people is no longer a debatable issue in either church or state. Therefore, I will from this moment on refuse to dignify the continued public expression of ignorant prejudice by engaging it. I do not tolerate racism or sexism any longer. From this moment on, I will no longer tolerate our culture's various forms of homophobia. I do not care who it is who articulates these attitudes or who tries to make them sound holy with religious jargon.

I have been part of this debate for years, but things do get settled and this issue is now settled for me. I do not debate any longer with members of the "Flat Earth Society" either. I do not debate with people who think we should treat epilepsy by casting demons out of the epileptic person; I do not waste time engaging those medical opinions that suggest that bleeding the patient might release the infection. I do not converse with people who think that Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans as punishment for the sin of being the birthplace of Ellen DeGeneres or that the terrorists hit the United Sates on 9/11 because we tolerated homosexual people, abortions, feminism or the American Civil Liberties Union. I am tired of being embarrassed by so much of my church's participation in causes that are quite unworthy of the Christ I serve or the God whose mystery and wonder I appreciate more each day. Indeed I feel the Christian Church should not only apologize, but do public penance for the way we have treated people of color, women, adherents of other religions and those we designated heretics, as well as gay and lesbian people.

Life moves on. As the poet James Russell Lowell once put it more than a century ago: "New occasions teach new duties, Time makes ancient good uncouth." I am ready now to claim the victory. I will from now on assume it and live into it. I am unwilling to argue about it or to discuss it as if there are two equally valid, competing positions any longer. The day for that mentality has simply gone forever.

This is my manifesto and my creed. I proclaim it today. I invite others to join me in this public declaration. I believe that such a public outpouring will help cleanse both the church and this nation of its own distorting past. It will restore integrity and honor to both church and state. It will signal that a new day has dawned and we are ready not just to embrace it, but also to rejoice in it and to celebrate it.

– John Shelby Spong