An Open Letter to People With - Or Dealing With - Catastrophic Illness

An open letter to people with - or dealing with - catastrophic illness:

I hope you don't mind me asking this, but I somehow suspect you may be a well-spring of love and help in this:

 

One of my dear friends, a 52-year-old woman, was just diagnosed with Stage 4 clear cell kidney cancer. It is in her bones, spine, skull, lungs, and other organs. She is undergoing treatment right now... but things don't look really positive right now to be on the realistic side of things.

 

I have been sending her cards and writing on her blog ... but have been unable to get to see her due to sniffles and trying to get well for my own impending surgery this Friday. I haven't been calling, though, either, because I haven't known what to say *to* her directly... and that bothers me. A lot.

 

What can I do for her which would be helpful? She is back home for the time being - a very positive, vibrant woman. Yet, she also knows the situation is pretty dire.

 

I want to be supportive - but I don't know exactly how to go about doing that. Do you have any suggestions? Ideas? Help? I *definitely* know I have to be well enough to be around her, so that's not an issue... but what can I do in the meantime... and when I have bounced back from my own surgery?

 

I'm just not sure what to think with something so advanced in an older woman... and someone who more clearly understands the odds.

 

Please give me an idea of what I can do to help my friend? Her name is Barbara.

Comments

[Jilly]

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/2007/03/10_tips_for_visiting_someone_w.php http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/2007/01/isolation_due_to_illness.php

[The Eclectic Cleric]

There are no magic words, and you don't really have to "say" anything -- just show up and tell them how much you care about them and (if you're comfortable with it) how scared and worried YOU are feeling, but that you still what to be supportive of them and are hoping for the best. Remember, you can't "fix" this; you can only share a little of it with them (if they will let you), and the best way to do that is 1) don't deny that they are seriously ill, and 2) don't let them be reduced to their illness only. This from a (as of Feb 19th) 12 month Stage IV Lung Cancer Survivor, who is doing pretty well at the moment, and it looking forward to living a lot, lot longer....